I open the door after a long day at work. As soon as I speak I hear her chunky little arms and legs pass quickly against the hardwood floors as she makes her way from the play room, through the kitchen and into the dining room where our eyes finally lock. Our smiles are in sync as they take over our entire faces. Her teeth are growing quickly and she has this smile — so full of life and genuine happiness — that melts me away every time I see it. Two feet in front of me she gets on her knees and reaches out her hands toward me. She lets out a cry of joy as I bend over to pick her up in my arms. That is pretty much where my little gordita will remain until I put her down for bed.
Today is my daughter’s birthday. A year ago I was walking to work in the snow. I remember it so clearly because it was the only snow we had here in Asheville. I walked the whole way with my face straight up in the air and my tongue sticking out and catching snowflakes along the way. I hadn’t seen real snow in years. I felt youthful and full of life. It was a beautiful day. Little did I know, in a near by hospital, was being born a beautiful child who would forever capture my heart and completely alter the direction of my life.
Four months later, I finally met her. She cried instantly when I first held her in my arms as if to say, “not so easy mister, you missed out on the first four months so you’ve got some catching up to do.” But from that moment I knew she was my baby girl and I would love her forever.
She rules my heart completely and it is a great honor to have her as my daughter. I’m lying in bed with my wife, Beth, and had asked her to email me a picture of Sidney and I to post on here. As she searches, I hear her say, “god that little girl is amazing!” And I have the biggest smile on my face. That little girl IS amazing. Her laugh is the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. It will cure the most morbid of depressions. She has these huge brown eyes that sparkle like the sun. Her hair is the most adorable hair you’ve ever seen. It’s thick, dark and curly — like a perfect doll. She is a beautiful angel. It is her heart, her soul, that really hook me, though. I truly believe that she and I were made for each other.
We are pregnant with our third child. Beth has expressed to me her fear that I will love her more or differently than our two girls Graesyn and Sidney. I understand the ration behind this fear, but the thing is, I couldn’t possibly love anyone more than I love those beautiful girls. I’ve learned that blood has nothing to do with love and family.
To my baby, Sidney Rae, on her first birthday, for showing me a capacity to love I never imagined possible. Though I missed the first four months of your life, I am eternally yours for the remainder of mine.
Nothing to Do, Nowhere to Go 